I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
