Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
