So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
