Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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