when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
