Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
