he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize