would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
