booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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