Don't make out with my wife yet
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
