By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
