How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
