I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
