I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
