Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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