i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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