She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
