Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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