he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
