you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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