Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
