I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
