she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
