you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
