ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
