i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
