My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
