we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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