Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
