Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
