ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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