I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize