I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
