Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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