he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
