dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
