Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
