i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
