My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
