UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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