never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
