Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
