It was confusing and full of hummus
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
