I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
