a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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