I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
