I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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