do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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