just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize