I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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