Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
