aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
