first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
