i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are the jesus of drinking
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