I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize