just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
