halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
