we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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