I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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