I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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