I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
