My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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