Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
