i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize