called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
