Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
