My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
