There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
